Behold, I will gather them from all the countries to which I drove them in my anger and my wrath and in great indignation. I will bring them back to this place, and I will make them dwell in safety. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. (Jeremiah 32:37-41 ESV)
---------------
I am scared of loving again
Fear deadens my heart
Causing me to keep others at arms' length
I don't believe I can sustain a relationship
In a mature way
So why even try?
I am inconsolable
Unconvince-able
My heart is an emotion compactor and storage facility
Restraining the concentrated dark emotions
Which Sit in silence
The pressure slowly building
A Spirit of resignation grows more and more at home
The emotional pressure cooker begins to rattle
Steam rises and snakes into the abyss
The implosion of my soul is imminent
So it's best to stay in shallow waters of acquaintance
Or resign myself to Friendship and platonic care
And not test my precarious heart three atmospheres down
In the depths of love
Keeping the lid on the cooker demands
Much energy, intense focus
And constant vigilance
Exhaustion and fear are my way of life
But am I doomed to stay in this predicament?
In this darkness?
Won't the concentrated and explosive emotion
be diluted into a solution
Of healing and growth
Tempered in love and hope
Won't the grasping and clawing
Of my soul
result in a peace
Not an ocean of chaos
Not an atomic bomb of despair
Destroying all cared for
Hoped for
and cherished
If given to the capable hands
Of Him who promises goodness
Who Declares restoration over my broken
And death-torn soul
What I considered a ruin
A desolate wasteland
Of endless failures
And Despite silent rebellion and deafening revolt
He will fertilize and refresh the soil
His overwhelming power and initiation
Penetrating deep into the heart
My soul's Foundation renewed with stones
Hewn from the precious one Himself
From his hands and feet
His heart's life force poured out
on that wooden symbol atop skull hill
What once was acquainted with death
Which made despair a friend
Has been redeemed
Just As the one who began the good work
In me, and finish it
Was faithful to pay the costly fee
Declaring me precious
Granting me a share in his inheritance
Labeling me with a cosmic kiss
A value more than silver
Far exceeding pure gold
No longer worthless as indicated
By the voice of shame
For what is something worth?
But what was paid to claim it
As one's own
Therefore I can let go of
Self protection I've built with un-trusting walls
Constructed in fear
For The inner villain was defeated
And The lying thief who conspired
To Shatter joys
Dash dreams
Was thrown down and is doomed for destruction
The powerful became weak
The weak one on the bare tree became strong
The worthless in the eyes of men
became precious
Praise And glory to the one who paid it all
Who says "come alive my child"
Absorbing the failure and shame
Replacing it with hope, power and glory
Bringing me out of exile
Making me live in safety
He is my God
my once stone-like heart now fertile soil
joined as one with Him
Traveling on his way
empowered by His love
Ever in awe of Him with Humble courage
Everlasting contract signed
On a rough board above His thorn-built crown
Rejoicing with all His heart
His Promise to do good things with no end
All these the gifts given selflessly
Endlessly
I am Planted in faithfulness
With all the Creator's Heart and Soul
Never will He turn away from pouring down goodness
Praise and glory always
Always
Holy holy holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Amen
Written February 17 & 22, 2015
I am scared of loving again
Fear deadens my heart
Causing me to keep others at arms' length
I don't believe I can sustain a relationship
In a mature way
So why even try?
I am inconsolable
Unconvince-able
My heart is an emotion compactor and storage facility
Restraining the concentrated dark emotions
Which Sit in silence
The pressure slowly building
A Spirit of resignation grows more and more at home
The emotional pressure cooker begins to rattle
Steam rises and snakes into the abyss
The implosion of my soul is imminent
So it's best to stay in shallow waters of acquaintance
Or resign myself to Friendship and platonic care
And not test my precarious heart three atmospheres down
In the depths of love
Keeping the lid on the cooker demands
Much energy, intense focus
And constant vigilance
Exhaustion and fear are my way of life
But am I doomed to stay in this predicament?
In this darkness?
Won't the concentrated and explosive emotion
be diluted into a solution
Of healing and growth
Tempered in love and hope
Won't the grasping and clawing
Of my soul
result in a peace
Not an ocean of chaos
Not an atomic bomb of despair
Destroying all cared for
Hoped for
and cherished
If given to the capable hands
Of Him who promises goodness
Who Declares restoration over my broken
And death-torn soul
What I considered a ruin
A desolate wasteland
Of endless failures
And Despite silent rebellion and deafening revolt
He will fertilize and refresh the soil
His overwhelming power and initiation
Penetrating deep into the heart
My soul's Foundation renewed with stones
Hewn from the precious one Himself
From his hands and feet
His heart's life force poured out
on that wooden symbol atop skull hill
What once was acquainted with death
Which made despair a friend
Has been redeemed
Just As the one who began the good work
In me, and finish it
Was faithful to pay the costly fee
Declaring me precious
Granting me a share in his inheritance
Labeling me with a cosmic kiss
A value more than silver
Far exceeding pure gold
No longer worthless as indicated
By the voice of shame
For what is something worth?
But what was paid to claim it
As one's own
Therefore I can let go of
Self protection I've built with un-trusting walls
Constructed in fear
For The inner villain was defeated
And The lying thief who conspired
To Shatter joys
Dash dreams
Was thrown down and is doomed for destruction
The powerful became weak
The weak one on the bare tree became strong
The worthless in the eyes of men
became precious
Praise And glory to the one who paid it all
Who says "come alive my child"
Absorbing the failure and shame
Replacing it with hope, power and glory
Bringing me out of exile
Making me live in safety
He is my God
my once stone-like heart now fertile soil
joined as one with Him
Traveling on his way
empowered by His love
Ever in awe of Him with Humble courage
Everlasting contract signed
On a rough board above His thorn-built crown
Rejoicing with all His heart
His Promise to do good things with no end
All these the gifts given selflessly
Endlessly
I am Planted in faithfulness
With all the Creator's Heart and Soul
Never will He turn away from pouring down goodness
Praise and glory always
Always
Holy holy holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Amen
Written February 17 & 22, 2015
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