I wrote the following for a 'celebration' night for Apprenticeship to Jesus in 2011. Apprenticeship to Jesus Phoenix is an intentional Christian community set in downtown Phoenix, AZ whose aim is to build a community based around getting to know Jesus as Lord, Mentor, Friend and companion. To spend time with Jesus and others to become like Jesus and to love others as He loved us. This was my public tribute to the dedicated group from 2008 to 2011 and how they changed my life.
INT.(interior) CHURCH, DOWNTOWN PHOENIX, AZ – EVENING
Petrified, JON MEYER stands at a microphone and addresses a sizable audience. As he talks he wonders if he has anything worthwhile to say –
CUT TO:
Do you ever feel like someone else, perhaps an enemy, is writing your life story? And that someone has cast you as essentially an extra in a B-grade movie, even when you desire the starring role in an epic like Lord of the Rings or Braveheart? I have. For a good portion of my life I’ve been playing the part of a victim – with the belief that my heart and my voice just didn’t matter – or I’ve seen my soul as a lost and desperate boy looking for a home – unsuccessfully – where I could be loved for who I am and not what I can do or how well I perform (or give a speech). I believe that I’ve found such a place here, with Apprenticeship to Jesus. Yet I’m still playing the performance game and at times still feel lost. So I’ve been angry with God for casting me in these roles, and in turn, I’ve hated myself for accepting and believing those things were true about me. If a loving God cast me in these bit parts, bound for the cutting room floor, how can I be worth loving? I’ve cried out to God, “This isn’t the epic I was expecting! Why can’t you give me a better part? I DEMAND a rewrite!”
Now I’m just starting to realize that, perhaps, God is not the poor filmmaker I thought he was. Instead the performer – me – who shouldn’t be acting at all, but just listening to the director and loving him. And if I do that I can look around me and see the truth that God has written a beautiful story for my life – filled with all of you amazing people! So I’m here to testify to God’s work here in this neighborhood these past three years.
I remember last year in preparation for the Block Party outreach, a small group of us went on a prayer walk. During that time I was struck by the shape Monroe St. and 13th Ave created – a cross. Christ is HERE. I looked up into the black, seemingly starless sky and I had a vision of sorts. I saw a crack of light form in the darkness, as if God was pealing back the sky with a cosmic zipper. Bright light filled the streets. I saw kids playing in the streets with no fear; neighbors having meals together, helping each other with chores and loving each other – lives being changed. I don’t think this was a vision of the Block Party, but of the potential God sees in Woodland. This is worth celebrating.
Personally, my life has changed being here. Thank you all who love me for who I am, and not for just what I do well. I see and feel your love – God’s love working through you. I want to celebrate that tonight.
So I’m still waiting for God to write my epic where I “save the day” in some heroic feat of bravery like I imagined when I was a small boy in my backyard. It’s a struggle to hand the pen over to Him and play my part at His humble direction and prompting. For Jesus is the One Who saved more than the day, he saved me and all of you! I celebrate that tonight! Forgetfulness comes so quickly, so I need to keep that close to my heart and clearly in my mind, as I partner with him in my life story. I’m hopeful that you all can help me see the beautiful truth of my life I often don’t see – that it is epic! (just not in the way I may expect).
Praise God and his Grace and Love. And thank you for your grace-filled friendship and love.
9/30/2011
