Jon's Reflection of John's Revelation (Chapter 2)

Revelation Chapter 2, verses 1-7

“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God."

After reading the passage initially something about it struck a chord with me, but I really wasn't sure what it was until this past Thursday. The passage speaks of a first love, and many of you know that last year I went through a soul-shattering experience – divorce.

Just three months before the start of the divorce process, from all appearances, one might say I had things figured out. And most of the time, even I thought I did. I had grown up in the church and never really strayed very far from Christianity. I went to a Christian school, learned all about the Bible and theology. I wanted to be perfect and to do all the right things.  I had been married for about 3 years and my wife, Cat, and I were planning on adding to our family through adoption. I had a steady job, and Cat, who also worked at Wells Fargo, was moving up the ranks as an executive assistant. As a couple we tithed, gave to charities, read the Bible almost every night, did devotions together, prayed before meals and often went to church. We were fixing up our house and planning our future together. Things seemed perfect – from the outside.

Our interior lives, however, painted a far different picture, and for me this is very embarrassing. I don't really want to be up here. But as embarrassed as I am, I'm here tonight, in hopes that you will learn from my mistakes and that God can work in your life.

My wife asked for a separation a mere two weeks after she gave me a Christmas card saying how much she loved me and that she was committed to our marriage. Her reasons weren't worthy of tabloids or scandal. While it was very complicated, it came down to this: she just wanted to be single and to figure life out by herself. I did what I could to talk her out of it, but she was adamant.

Upon news of her decision I was completely and utterly broken. As the devastation took hold, God came to me with his arms wide open and scooped me up and held me. It was here in these dark times that I experienced God the most I ever had in my life to that point. As I searched for answers I had some very heated conversations with God. Through this struggle, he turned on a light and showed me things I didn't want to see. After his comfort, I sensed a wave of jealousy. I was horrified to discover how far from God I had been and how sad and hurt He was. I had just been performing lip service and playing intellectual games with the years of theology I had been taught. I tithed, but I did it out of obligation and kind of resented giving away so much money and time. 

Oh how far I had fallen from when I first given my heart to God and now I had given my heart to other things – idols. An idol doesn't have to be so blatant and obvious of, let's say, bowing to a statue of a cow, but instead an idol is anything that takes your focus off of God and affects where you place your heart. For some this is money, for me, it was my wife. I took God out of the center of my life and in His place, put Cat. My focus and energy went into making her happy, and based on her reaction I received my worth and value. She made decisions that I let slide, even when they went against my better judgment, or worse, God's commands. In the final days of our relationship she even admitted to me that I HAD given her everything she wanted . . . but I guess even that was not enough. So in practical purposes, she had become my god and I worshiped her. I was so blind to this, that I just thought I was being a “good husband” and a “nice guy” . . . isn't that what I'm living for? To be that sacrificial man for the woman I married? 

For example, I had given up pursuing my God-given dream to become an animator because of her reservations and fear. Now, to let you know, I'm back on track, and I'm pursuing my dream. Despite my initial fears and worries, He's even given me confirmation that I will succeed.

So, to get to the point of my story. Let me reiterate, that when God showed me where I had gone wrong, that I had lost my first love, I felt his strong jealousy and request for repentance. He longed to be a part of my life and to heal my broken heart. So I surrendered – repented – and gave to Him my whole heart. I started doing the things I had done at first, when my heart was in the right place. I'm not going to give a list of my actions, because it's not really about the actions or the outward appearances, but the status of your heart.

I'm sharing this story, not to tell you how great I am or that I have this all figured out – because I don't. I'm still “broken” and fight every day to give God my whole heart. It's a fierce battle. Every day I have to acknowledge that He is God and humble myself before his greatness. So His request – His command – is not meant to be a “joy-kill” or condemnation for what you have or haven't done, but meant to give you freedom from this world and a chance to really live.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4)

It hasn't been easy, it won't be easy, and there will be hard choices, sacrifices and struggles. But repentance and living humbly with God is worth it. I believe it is. God has plans for your life – a PERFECT plan – and in order for Him to carry out these plans, He needs your permission. He will not force his way into your heart, but He will come in immediately when you open the door. A verse that has given me encouragement is Jeremiah 29:10-14. To put it into context, the Prophet Jeremiah is writing this to Israel as they are being transported to Babylon because they had hardened their hearts to God and loved other things.

This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

I believe in his promise, because He has been faithful to me. Now I can go through life secure in knowing my worth is not based on any human, or any belonging, any amount of money . . . but in a God to be respected and loved. With that said, let me transition to something else, another viewpoint.

As I went through the divorce and healing process (which still continues), I've been able to spend a lot of time reading the Bible, and it struck me how vulnerable God is. He begs his people to love him. He makes a comparison of His relationship with the Church is very similar to a relationship between a husband and wife. The divorce has given me a glimpse at the pain God must feel when he is forsaken by me . . . or you. He should be the First Love and the priority in our lives. Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was and Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt 22:37-39, quoting from Deut. 6:5)

I just want to encourage you to open your heart to God and let his arms envelope you and give you comfort. And when the time is right, I also pray He is able to shine His light into your life. That you ask Him to open your eyes to see the places in your heart you're keeping for yourself and not letting Him enter. It may be difficult, but I promise your eyes will adjust to the light, and your life will never be the same.


Well, that's it for what I wanted to share. . . .



Delivered at “OnePlace” Church 4/29/2007